Huntme007

People wonder why the the call centre guys are paid so much for just being on the phone. Take a look at some of the conversations between Technical Support executives and customers on phone.

Case 1

Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

Case 2

Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support: “Did you install the update?”

Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

Case 3

Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support: “Tell me what you’ve done.”

Customer: “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”

Customer: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”

Customer: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”

Customer: “No…”

Case 4

Customer: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)

Case 5

Tech Support: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

Tech support: ##### ***

Case 6

Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer: “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####

Case 7

Tech Support: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”

Tech support: ////—–+++

Case 8

Customer: “My computer’s telling me Iperformed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support: ??????

Case 9

Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$

Case 10

Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support: ??????

Case 11

Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”

Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support: @@@@@

Case 12

Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

Case 13

Tech Support: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support: *** —- ++++

The Best of the Lot

Case 14

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech:(keeps quite for moment)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support:(hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell ourcustomers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech support: How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

Height of All (Too Good)

Case 15

Customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help you in finding it out?
Custtomer: Sure

Customer Care Officer: Can you left click on start and do you find ‘My Computer’?
Customer: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

NOW TWO MEN TALKING

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand over the phone to your five year old child.

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder…louder…louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems….”

9. Cry out in surprise, “Helen, is that you? I’ve been hoping you’d call! How is the family?” When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is a MALE.

10. Tell the HSBC call center guy to call on your office number and give him the CITIBANK call center number.